Desiring God...

So once again, it has been awhile since I have blogged, but life has been kinda chaotic, what with Christmas and New Year's and everything, but life seems to maybe be settling into a bit of a routine, so I figured I should get back into the habit of blogging... so here we go!

God has my family on a journey, and I have no idea where it is leading, but I am going to share a little background info to help with perspective.

- God has called us out of the church family we have been a part of for 2 years.

- We have been attending and praying through some exciting things at First Baptist Tampa

- We are attending The Crossing on Saturday nights (to kinda get our worship fix)

- God answered our prayer for financial aide, by allowing me to work part time at my old cafe (for now)

So - we have had a lot of transition and change to usher in a new year, which is exciting for us, but that has left me pondering a lot. Recently, I was talking with God and my brain was rushing through a million possibilities and basically... I was telling God what I should be doing, and how He is supposed to move and act - when God decided to put me in my place and tell me to SHUT UP and BE STILL!

So I listened.

For the past 2 weeks, I am trying very hard to do nothing more than pursue the heart of God. I realized that for most of my life, my walk with God and life in the Body of Christ has been about what I am doing. God is showing me how much I am missing out on, by allowing that to be my focus. I am desperately praying that God would immerse me in his presence and that if I never teach, lead, encourage, pray for, or DO another thing FOR God, that I would be content to sit at his feet and worship! Even as I write this, it sounds stupidly easy and like a basic fundamental principle of our faith, but it is HARD for me to do this.

So, this morning, I was in our prayer room... face down in a pillow asking for God to speak, and He told me to turn to Acts 14, and Genesis 3. As I began to read Acts 14 - I was blown away by the character of Paul and Barnabas' ability to be used of the Lord, their humility, and their boldness for Jesus Christ.

I blogged awhile back about the process God was taking me through in giving me a new name, and I have kinda let that be on the back burner for awhile, but I felt like, as I read this morning - that one of the reason I am to remain still and quiet, is because the man that God wants me to be, is not yet who I am. When I read accounts like Paul and Barnabas and there ability to remain in the "hot zone" to preach, and then to leave and see a man who has the faith to be healed and heal him, and to be stoned to death, be raised, and continue preaching... I know that I don't have that faith, YET.

So, my prayer this morning was that God would make me a man of faith. That I would learn how to love Jesus, His People, and the presence of God so much that I am willing to endure many tribulations. I want to be bold, passionate, and discerning enough to call a lame man up to walk. I want to preach the gospel of Jesus Christ and see God heal and do signs and wonders through me. But, that comes in time. First, I need to want God more than anything else.

For me, that means wanting God, more than I want to do ministry. What does that mean for you?