and then there were 4

So...

Yesterday my wife gave birth to our 2nd child.

She was a trooper and did a phenomenal job, and our baby boy was born 10 lbs 11oz!  For those keeping track at home, that is a HUGE baby!  He measured in at 21 inches long with a 14.5" circumference for a head.

I was a little worried when I found out we were having another boy, because even though you hear moms and dads with multiple children say that you love each one fully - I thought maybe I was different.  My first born, Micah, is amazing.  He was such a great little baby and has turned into such an amazing young man (already calling him a man at 5 years old, because he is gonna be a man - not a boy who shaves!!).  But, it concerned me that because he was so good - our 2nd boy would be continually measured against the awesomeness (thank you Kung Fu Panda) of our 1st.

Well, I can honestly say that there is nothing special about me.  He came out - and while he was still all blue and lizard-looking, I would have laid my life down for him.  He was mine and nothing was going to change the way I felt about him.  I loved him fully and completely - just because he was my son.  Not because he was HUGE. Not because he turns his head, opens his eyes, eats like a champ, or could very easily beat up all the other babies on this floor - I love him because he is mine!

As I sit this morning, a little sleep deprived, a little hungry, but enamored with my family and our newest addition - I can't help but reflect on how God feels about me.  He must, if I am an imperfect father (which I am), feel all that I feel towards his children and MORE!  He must look down on me and just marvel at how dear to his heart I am.  Not because I preach well, or study a lot. Not because I work hard to avoid sin, or search for ways to let people know I love him. Not because I am faithful to my wife or because I try to train my children (wow, I have CHILDREN!) in the ways they should go.

But, because I am his!

What a liberating thought. This concept, this understanding, that God doesn't need me, or value me based on my abilities or performances; changes what I believe about my relationship with God and how I live my life.

I know this is not revelatory or anything brand new and it was something I would have said yesterday just like I am saying it today - but I feel like God has drawn me in closer and revealed yet again, that his love for me is not based on works, merit, or even impacted by how good those around me.  He doesn't look at the men I work with, the guys on TV, the other seminary students and husbands, and say "Nate, look at how good they are...I can't love you like I love them. You aren't as awesome!"

No, that is not the heart of our Father.  His heart swells with love and longs to wrap me up, hold me close and whisper words of love and tenderness into my spirit - because it is only there, in His arms that I can begin to understand who He is, and who I am because of His love.

Thank you God, for freeing me from religion, from works of my own hands.  For separating the curtain that kept me out of your presence.  Let me not wander in the wilderness of works and avoid the greatest treasure available - your spirit through your son.  Jesus, thank you for making me a son. For righting my wrongs and allowing me to be adopted into the family of God.  For making the impossible possible.  For loving me when I was most unloveable, valuing me when there was nothing worthy of value. For freeing me to worship and love the rest of my days.  May it start with you and flow from there!