Love...

Well, this morning my heart is heavy!

I was on my way home from the gym and I was thinking about a conversation that my wife had with a friend of ours last night. Her and her husband are getting separated and my wife was being a rockstar and just loving her through a very tough time in her life. As they were talking, and I was cleaning up from dinner, one thing that I heard from the conversation was that this beautiful daughter of God, a beloved princess, whom the Creator adores more than anything else He has ever created...believes that because she isn't "religious" enough, God won't be there for her.

Like I said, my heart is heavy! What have we done to the Gospel of Jesus, as man has taken over and decided what is right, what is wrong and in our pursuit for knowledge and understanding; have we lost God's never-ending love. I will admit, I am quick to seek knowledge and I desire to know as much as I can about God, but I want to start with love! To know that she feels like because she doesn't conform to some man made system - that her Daddy won't be there for her; grieves me deeply.

As I was reflecting on this harsh reality, I felt a new responsibility. And its kinda funny how God is working in my life right now, because yesterday I spend most of the day praying through the Fruit of the Spirit and just asking God to cultivate the hard soil of my heart so that His Fruit would be evident, and this morning I wake up and realize that I am guilty of too often skipping past the first aspect of the Fruit of the Spirit - love.

God is love. Jesus is love. Regardless of who we are, what we do, or how much we try and push and run to get away from his love, He is love. It is not up to us to earn it. It is not up to us to keep it. It is not up to us to tell Him how to show it. He is love, and all we need to do is receive it. End of story.

Thank you Jesus, that you are love, that you are our example of love, that you loved me enough to die - while I was offensive and an enemy of your Father. Thank you that regardless of my church attendance, denomination or even tithe history - you love me with a burning passion and unending desire. Open my heart to receive that love, and than God - I pray that you would change how I love my brother's and sister's!

Let it be so...

Jesus is a DUDE!

So - it was interesting. I woke up this morning, and immediately felt the NEED to get before God and spend some time with him. So, I grabbed my journal, Bible and highlighters (which God had me place next to my bed last night - not where they normally rest) and dove in. I began journaling and God brought to my mind some things I needed to confess and repent for - which I did. I then began to intercede for everyone that would come to mind, and I had a great time of just praying for friends and family.

I began to quiet myself and listen for the voice of God - and after a few minutes of being still, I felt like I was suppose to read Mark 7. I opened up my Bible and read the chapter and something interesting jumped out at me. Normally, when I see Jesus life and ministry - I see a lot of love, and healing and miracles and caring and generosity and patience. And I believe that Jesus is the perfect example of all of those attributes...however as I read Mark 7 this morning, that wasn't what I saw in the life of Jesus.

This chapter begins with Jesus and his disciples being harassed about washing their hands before they eat. First off, how unbelievably annoying are the Pharisees? They are bugging Jesus to the point of asking him if he washes his hands - shows how far we can be willing to go to make our beliefs true! Jesus explains that it is not what we eat that makes us unclean but that which comes out of hearts - that determines our cleanliness.

Then the Syrophoencian approaches Jesus and asks him to heal her daughter - and this was the part that jumped out at me. He tells her that he needs to let the children eat first, before feeding the dogs! (Nate paraphrase) I don't know about you - but I was stunned at Jesus words to this woman. As I read this interaction - I see her coming to Jesus for help. And his response is to tell her the children need to eat first (Jews need to be taught by Jesus) before the dogs can have any food (Gentiles can receive any teachings or miracles from Jesus). Like I said - as I read this, I thought "who is this guy? What does he think he's doing talking to her like that?"

Then I read her response to Jesus' seemingly rude statement. She responds that even the dogs get scraps from under the kids table! And Jesus is pleased with this response and heals her daughter.

He then goes on to give a deaf and mute guy a wet willy, and poke him in the eye - as a means to heal him!

While there is much here to unpack, the main thing that jumped out at me, was Jesus' lack of concern for social graces, or political correctness. He was not worrying about being offensive, keeping everyone happy, or stepping on toes. He knew that he had a limited amount of time, a mission to complete, and he pursued it with his whole heart.

And people flocked to him!

The more I think about it - the more I see Jesus as a manly man, rough and rugged, who doesn't wash his hands before a meal, makes fun of tradition and religion, calls entire people groups "dogs" and gives people wet willy's and pokes them in the eye! All in love, and all with purpose to draw people to the heart of the Father, and point out there need for a Savior!

Why isn't this my inspiration for what a man is to be? And how did we end up with blonde flowing hair, white robed, hippie, fruitcake Jesus?

What would it take?

What would it take for me

to part with my son?

What would it take for me

to watch him beaten?

What would it take for me

to see his backed ripped to shreds?

What would it take for me

to allow his head to be pierced?

What would it take for me

to simply stand by?

What would it take for me

to see him falsely accused?

What would it take for me

to watch him die?

What would it take for me

to see his side pierced?

What would it take for me

to watch his body dragged down from the cross?

What would it take for me

to simply stand by?

What would it take for me

to watch my son buried?

What would it take for me

to wait the 3 days?

What would it take for me

to hold back the tears?

What would it take for me

to watch him arise?

What would it take for me

to simply stand by?

What would it take for me

to see my son reduced to a statue?

What would it take for me

to hold back my anger?

What would it take for me

to allow him to be simply a story?

What would it take for me

to be patient with those who simply slander my son?

What would it take for me

to simply stand by?

Unimaginable Grace!!!!!

AWESOME and FREAKY

Ok - so before I truly begin the meat of this post - I want to ask for some grace and openmindedness for the few people who will read this. My Lutheran and Baptist upbringing and schooling are twinging right now, but I want to be faithful to my Daddy! This morning, I was praying and asking that God would speak to me - and rather than giving me some verses, or giving me some thoughts to chew on - something strange happened - God actually spoke to me! I believe God gave me a word this morning, and I don't feel like it is private, and I really believe it is meant to encourage and excite the people of Christ into movement. So - I am going to share what God said to me this morning, just as He revealed it to me.

- Why isn't there more celebrating in Church?

My people do not understand that they are betrothed to the living God. The One True Living Water and Bridegroom - Jesus Christ. If My people knew this, they would sing, celebrate and tell all that would listen. Instead they muzzle themselves, not just because they don't understand who I AM and what I have done for them, but because they have decided their "self-esteem" is more important than worshipping and glorifying Me. They don't truly desire to follow the example of My Son. They don't want to press into My heart. They want to go back to a religious system. Why o why would you choose slavery over freedom? Why would you embrace man made tradition over Christ centered relationship? Turn from complacency, abandon your small mindedness. Forget about how and what you've always known God to be and look intently for My Spirit in motion. Then, run after it! This is not about you being comfortable. This is not about you even understanding what is next. This is about Me and My Will for My Beloved. YOU ARE MY BELOVED!

I feel the need to justify and make excuses and tell you all sorts of information that I learned at school that says that God doesn't move in this way, and back it up with Scripture, and yada yada yada... but I am not going to. My encouragement to you this morning - is to check your heart. Who are you living for? Does this word ring true for you? If so - REPENT! Draw close to the heart of God and live with reckless abandon for Him!

Turtle Power!

Well, I have been a stay at home dad (full time) again for 1 full day, and all I can say is that I missed this life! It is so nice to be able to wake up, go for a run, come home and dive into the presence of God - rather than waking up at 4 to go make sandwiches!

This morning, I was sitting in my prayer room - and asking God to speak to me. As I sat here, and was being still and waiting for the the Lord to speak, I felt a little disappointed when, for a few minutes, there was nothing but silence. Forgetting the fact that my need to have my appetite INSTANTLY met is probably wrong and misguided - I heard God say that sometimes, He is quiet, not because He doesn't care, or isn't listening, or even because there is sin in my life, but because when I have to wait upon the Lord, it increases my faith! Wow - I was blown away - and wondered how many times have I wanted something right this second, and because I was too impatient, or just lacked the discipline to be still - missed out on God and an increase in faith, because I took matters into my own hands?

I was in the middle of praising God and thanking him for taking the time to care enough about me to let me wait, to take me deeper and make me more like Jesus - when I got a picture in my head of a turtle crossing the road?!?

My immediate response was "God, what the heck was THAT"

Immediately, I felt like God brought clarity to the picture. You see, when I think about the turtle, the first thing that comes to my mind is the Teenage Mutant kind... but after that, I think about their shell. And I have always thought that it was kinda neat that God gave them a portable home, a permanent protection, and a place of security. What I never thought about though, was how scared a turtle always is! My family used to have a turtle, and he was ALWAYS ducking back into his shell and trying to hide. And it occurred to me this morning, that a lot of times, my walk with Christ is a lot like a turtle. I retreat back into my shell - and hide from the big, scary world all around me, because I don't have enough faith, and like the cozy, comfortable, manageable scenario that God has already given me.

But... every once in a while, you see a turtle in the middle of the road - crossing the street! Can you imagine what is going through that turtles mind? Mostly cuss words at being in such a dangerous situation. But, every time I have seen a turtle in the road - he's not hiding in his shell, he is booking it trying to get across the road. Now, I know that at an example breaks down, but hear me out: what if - rather than just using our "shells" to keep us cozy and comfortable and to hide from the world, we braved the open road. WE dared to go out into the scary and dangerous world and explore new territory, try new things, and BE BOLD! What if we shared our faith with someone today? What if we became purposed with our relationships? What if we loved unconditionally? What if, instead of using our shells as defensive, we put them to the test to see how well they would hold up against the battle we are in against this world?

I really believe that would be a sight to see - and can you imagine the thrill of victory when we get to the other side of the road...

White knuckled ride...

It's kinda interesting, we all have our routines and practices that we go. My routine for meeting with God is as such: start out in my journal and lay it all out before God, then I spend some time being still before God, waiting to hear his voice, than I go to the Word and if I have heard anything or been pointed in a direction - I look for God to speak and confirm it in His Word. I will usually end my time by praying a little more, or journaling through something that God revealed that would be applicable to my walk.

The other day as I was in the midst of my routine, I realized that it was very comfy and the warm air was blowing and I was wrapped in a blanket and I was just being still - the perfect condition for falling asleep. I felt myself fade away, and I didn't fight it - I simply surrendered. I couldn't of been out more than a minute when I saw a rollercoaster and I realized I was on it. The coaster was out of control - but crazily in control. The speed was intense, the loops looked dangerous and scary, and the drops and climbs were crazy! My heart began to race and fear crept in - then I heard a voice reminding me that He constructed this coaster. Reminding me that He knows every loop, drop, turn and climb that I am going to face. Reminding me that not only did He construct it, but He is the safety strap keeping me from flying off the track.

Immediately the fear was replaced with excitement and anticipation. My white knuckled grip of the bar in front of me was softened and I lifted my hands to enjoy the ride. In that moment, I knew I was not watching a rollercoaster ride, I was watching my life.

Life is scary, life is seemingly out of control, and at times, we grip ahold of our lives with white knuckles to try and gain control. When in reality, we have very little control, and the Creator and Sustainer is calling us to release our grip, and have fun and enjoy the "ride" of life that He has blessed us with. We need not fear, we need not worry, He knows every turn, drop, climb and loop that we are gonna face. With that knowledge should come great excitement and anticipation.

So, the question I will pose this morning is simple: Are you white knuckling it through life? Or have you raised your hand to enjoy the ride He's got you on? Cause either way - it's gonna be pretty epic!

Desiring God...

So once again, it has been awhile since I have blogged, but life has been kinda chaotic, what with Christmas and New Year's and everything, but life seems to maybe be settling into a bit of a routine, so I figured I should get back into the habit of blogging... so here we go!

God has my family on a journey, and I have no idea where it is leading, but I am going to share a little background info to help with perspective.

- God has called us out of the church family we have been a part of for 2 years.

- We have been attending and praying through some exciting things at First Baptist Tampa

- We are attending The Crossing on Saturday nights (to kinda get our worship fix)

- God answered our prayer for financial aide, by allowing me to work part time at my old cafe (for now)

So - we have had a lot of transition and change to usher in a new year, which is exciting for us, but that has left me pondering a lot. Recently, I was talking with God and my brain was rushing through a million possibilities and basically... I was telling God what I should be doing, and how He is supposed to move and act - when God decided to put me in my place and tell me to SHUT UP and BE STILL!

So I listened.

For the past 2 weeks, I am trying very hard to do nothing more than pursue the heart of God. I realized that for most of my life, my walk with God and life in the Body of Christ has been about what I am doing. God is showing me how much I am missing out on, by allowing that to be my focus. I am desperately praying that God would immerse me in his presence and that if I never teach, lead, encourage, pray for, or DO another thing FOR God, that I would be content to sit at his feet and worship! Even as I write this, it sounds stupidly easy and like a basic fundamental principle of our faith, but it is HARD for me to do this.

So, this morning, I was in our prayer room... face down in a pillow asking for God to speak, and He told me to turn to Acts 14, and Genesis 3. As I began to read Acts 14 - I was blown away by the character of Paul and Barnabas' ability to be used of the Lord, their humility, and their boldness for Jesus Christ.

I blogged awhile back about the process God was taking me through in giving me a new name, and I have kinda let that be on the back burner for awhile, but I felt like, as I read this morning - that one of the reason I am to remain still and quiet, is because the man that God wants me to be, is not yet who I am. When I read accounts like Paul and Barnabas and there ability to remain in the "hot zone" to preach, and then to leave and see a man who has the faith to be healed and heal him, and to be stoned to death, be raised, and continue preaching... I know that I don't have that faith, YET.

So, my prayer this morning was that God would make me a man of faith. That I would learn how to love Jesus, His People, and the presence of God so much that I am willing to endure many tribulations. I want to be bold, passionate, and discerning enough to call a lame man up to walk. I want to preach the gospel of Jesus Christ and see God heal and do signs and wonders through me. But, that comes in time. First, I need to want God more than anything else.

For me, that means wanting God, more than I want to do ministry. What does that mean for you?