Fun times...

It has been awhile since I have blogged, and for that I feel kinda bad.  It's not that I didn't want to, but finding the time to share all thad God has been walking us through can be kinda difficult.  So here is my attempt to briefly describe where I have been at with God...

It has been a rollercoaster ride lately.  One of those coasters that seem to shoot straight up to the clouds, and then you make a 180 degree turn and plummet down to the ground only to shoot straight back up again.

Last week, we took a trip to N'Awlins, LA - which was awesome.  We got to see a good friend of ours, visit our old stomping grounds and the school I used to go to, and eat a lot of amazing food while listening to some of the best music ever.  It was great - but leading up to and then on the tail end of the trip, we have been under some of the fiercest spiritual battle I have ever faced.

1 - Due to a mistake on a ticket I received for not having current registration, I was suppose to have an "arraingment hearing" on the 27th of April for a FATALITY mistakenly marked on the ticket.
2 - That never really happens so there is no precedent, which means finding the right person to talk to is almost impossible.
3 - The hotel we were suppose to stay in which NEVER fills up, due to our procrastination because of the ticket problem, FILLED UP!
4 - Our friend fell and hurt her ankle and heel really bad, right before we spent a week walking all over the city
5 - On Tuesday of our vacation my son fell down some stairs, landed on his head and had a lump the size of a golfball most the week
6 - When we got home, our AC had broke so our house was 92 degrees!
7 - Stayed with my parents for 2 nights and 3 days (blessing), unable to sleep well because of staying on air mattress
8 - Some spiritual attack occurred on Sunday (as it always does) but that will remain vague...
9 - Quote from AC company number 1 - 2400 dollars (here's where you put the heart attack at)
10 - Decide to wait - and I drive all the way to Tampa yelling and wrestling with God and my flesh about the money!
11 - God puts me in my place, fills me with His Spirit and makes me okay with spending that much money to fix an AC unit on a house we have a contract on and aren't going to be living in much longer.
12 - What happens? I get a call from another company, that promises to save me a lot of money and that I am being ripped off by company number one.
13 - One more night in mom and dads house.
14 - AC guys from Accu-Temp come out and FIX our unit for $350!
15 - Last night, we were able to sleep in our own bed, in our own house, and woke up late this morning!

So, I know towards the end it got less into the attack and more into the provision from God - but it has really been a cool last couple of days!  The battle can be so fierce that I at times, was just a wreck.  Monday, I was driving to help out with a ministry called Amazing Love in Ybor.  They feed the homeless, and have a worship service for them.  I want you to catch this perspective for a second...I am driving, in my air conditioned car, to feed people who sleep on the streets and are not sure where their next meal, shower, or bed is going to be - and I am fighting with God about how "bad" my situation is! And how unfair he is being!

Yeah, here is where conviction goes.

In the car, I actually told God that I was going to praise Him in my circumstances, but my heart was praising to make God feel like a jerk for being mean to me!  I don't know if I can communicate this accurately, but I felt like if I told God how awesome He was, while He was being a jerk to me, He would realize how big of a jerk He was being. (I realize my theology was terrible, but it was what I was feeling)

Then, a funny thing started to happen - as I praised, God softened my heart, and the praise become real, instead of manipulative and guilt.  He opened my eyes to all the ways He had provided for us, and showed me that He had blessed us with the money to pay for the repairs, given us a cool place to sleep every night, and that if He chose to use His money to fix our AC, so be it - why should I complain and argue with Him.

So, I repented and that night - after God made me willing and joyful about paying $2400 to fix our AC, I got a call telling me that it could be fixed for $350!

And so, here I sit - excited about the future, full of love for my Daddy, and hopefully a little wiser and more trusting of Him.

Poor Pastor...

1 Corinthians 4:9-13 "For I think that God has exhibited us apostles as last of all, like men sentenced to death, because we have become a spectacle to the world, to angels, and to men.  We are fools for Christ's sake, but you are wise in Christ. We are weak, but you are strong. You are held in honor, but we in disrepute. To the present hour we hunger and thirst, we are poorly dressed and buffeted and homeless, and we labor, working with our own hands. When reviled, we bless; when persecuted, we endure; when slandered, we entreat. WE have become, and are still, like the scum of the world, the refuse of all things."

1 Corinthians 4:16 - "I urge you, then, be imitators of me."

As I read this passage this morning, a new perspective hit me that I had never really seen before, or maybe I have never taken the time to slow down and actually pay attention to the words I am reading...

But, look at the first chunk of verses again...doesn't sound like what we would want as a spiritual leader, does it?  Someone who is the SCUM of the world? The REFUSE of all things? Not my idea of a leader I would be quick to follow.  I like the idea of being an imitator of the Paul who stands before the men in Athens and points them to their false, unknown God and makes it about Jesus. Or the Paul that demands an apology from the magistrates in Philippi, because they punished a Roman citizen unfairly...

But, he refers to himself as a homeless, starving, beaten and ridiculed piece of trash.

I have heard the phrase "Be imitators of me" preached before about Paul, and what a great man of God he was, and how above reproach he was to ask people to be like him... and I have often thought that, to say that - took a level of confidence and a pair of stones, that I guess I just don't have.

And, when I read the phrase in context, it makes sense. Paul is saying, look at me, I am nothing.  Jesus is everything.  The world considers me garbage and I can do, and will do nothing without Jesus.  Life is hard, and not gonna get any easier.  But, I am plugging along, worshiping Jesus.  Be like me.  Put up with the hatred, the beatings, the disrespect, poverty, and hunger - for Jesus.

Kinda put things in a new light for me this morning.  Paul isn't saying, I am so great be like me.  He is saying, life is hard as a Christian, you are gonna get treated poorly, and if I am able to endure, so can you.

What if as pastors, we adopted that message? What if pastors and leaders looked like that today? Instead of building hangars for their planes, or adding another suit to their wardrobe - they got up in plain clothes, with calloused hands from their regular job (not a 6 figure salary from a church) and shared their trials, struggles and persecutions.  And then pointed to Jesus.

That would be pretty awesome!

Acts 13....

"And the disciples were filled with joy and with the Holy Spirit" (Acts 13:52)

I want to paint for you a picture this morning.  Imagine you are Peter or Barnabas at Antioch in Pisidia (Acts 13).  You head off to temple, sit and listen to the reading from the Torah and towards the end of the reading, the religious leaders turn to you and ask you to share a word of encouragement.

What would your word be?

Peter, filled with the Spirit of God, stood up - and walked those gathered through the Old Testament and spoon fed them the gospel of Jesus Christ.  He took something very personal, familiar and that they could identify with and tied it into the Gospel.   And while many books and classes have been taught on doing just that, this is not what struck me today.

The people are so moved by their encounter with the Truth and so impressed by what the Spirit reveals through Paul that they invited him back another Sunday.  This time, almost the whole city shows up.  Imagine, the place is packed, everyone is whispering and sharing stories about what they heard last week.  People are anxious to hear what this guy, Paul has to say that has everyone so excited.  The religious leaders and devout Jews show up, see the crowds - and these men of God, who are suppose to teach, train and exhibit the Word of God, allow jealousy to creep into their spirit and begin to stir dissension against Paul and Barnabas. They get the devout men and women in their corner, and they begin to contradict what Paul had taught the week prior.  Even though, Paul began in the Old Testament, and tied it into Jesus - there is no limit to which false teachers will go to lead people astray.  But this is not what hit me.

Hearing the people being led astray and probably seeing the crowd quickly turn on them, Paul and Barnabas get up and speak out in boldness and declare that the Jews received the Gospel first, but have decided that they themselves are not worthy of eternal life, and so now the Gospel goes out to the Gentiles... there are about 10 sermons that could be preached, but still not what hit me.

The Gentiles in hearing that they can have a relationship with God, and that He loves them - rejoice and worship God - still not where I am going

This sends the religious leadership into a frenzy and they immediately begin to persecute Paul and Barnabas and DRIVE THEM OUT OF TOWN! Paul and Barnabas head out, dusting the dirt off their sandals as they go, not wasting time with the religious leaders, but moving forward to take the message of Jesus to wherever God leads them next... but still not what hit me.

"And the disciples were filled with joy and with the Holy Spirit." 

There we are - this verse, that I have so often skimmed over, was powerful today.  Think about the roller coaster ride that Paul and Barnabas and those who came to faith in Jesus in Antioch had been on.  Yay for Jesus - let's hear more, No to Jesus - false teaching, YAY for Jesus - it's not just for Jews, No to Jesus - persecution and run out of town.

I don't know about you, but my head would be spinning and I would wonder what the heck God was doing.  But what is their response - filled with Joy and Holy Spirit.

They grasped something I think all believers need to grab ahold of - our filling of the Spirit and joy should not, cannot, MUST NOT be conditional.  Whether we are facing revival, or revulsion - we can be filled with joy and the Spirit.  What hope we have, that we can serve God, be filled with His Spirit and have the fruit of His Spirit evident in our life, regardless of our circumstances.

I think about how often this is untrue in my life, and that leads me to repentance.  How often I have joy after a successful preaching engagement or ministry event or divinely appointed conversation.  And how quickly all of that can go out the window when something goes awry. 

Oh, to be free from the conditional emotional response and simply live a life tied to the Spirt of God, filled with His love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness, and self control...

Requires me to die to myself, live in Christ.

Difficult - maybe. 

Attainable - gotta believe it is!

Marriage...

Sometimes I talk to people, and they talk about things that are revealed to them in a dream, and to be honest, I spent so many years as a negative, bitter skeptic that this is still usually my first reaction - but most of the time, I just end up jealous because I don't really ever dream. About anything. When I sleep - it is mostly dark, blank, amazing nothingness until the next morning.

But, about a week ago, I had a dream that has stuck with me and it hit me again this morning as I was talking with God.  In my dream, I was at a funeral and some new friends and old friends had gathered together to celebrate the life of someone, who it was I do not know.  But at this funeral, an old acquaintance was there, a friend from days long since past, a female.  For whatever the reason would have been, I was at the funeral alone and after it was over and we were all walking our separate ways I decided to walk this woman to her car.  We were reminiscing and enjoying talking when I decided to ask her out for coffee.  In my dream, I had a check in my spirit, because this would violate the very boundary that I established at the foundation of my relationship with Katie.  And, in my heart, I heard the lie whispered.

"It's innocent, she doesn't need to be bothered, and its simply coffee.  It means nothing"

And yet, it meant everything.

It was at that point that I woke up from my dream, disturbed at "dream Nate" and his willingness to comprise it all - for NOTHING!

I remember telling my wife about the dream, and her just kind of listening and I think thinking I was crazy to be bothered, but later that day as I was hanging out with God, and He and I were going over this dream, he whispered something in my ear:

"Aren't we in a covenant relationship that is deeper than your marriage? How many times have you traded in our relationship for NOTHING?"

What I had thought was a picture of my earthly relationship with my lovely, beautiful and amazing wife, was really a sad and staggeringly accurate depiction of my marriage to Christ.  I have been SO guilty of believing the lie that sin is harmless, or that forgiveness is already ensured, or that God won't know, and it's not a BIG deal, or my intentions are good... that I have been an adulterer.

I have cheated on Christ, many times over.  And the thing that wrecks my heart, is I know that as long as I am in this flesh, and struggle and war in this life, I will continue to commit adultery.

A passage that has stuck with me a long time now, is Ezekiel 16.  In this chapter, God is so madly, deeply in love with His Bride (us) and He pours out on her every blessing, adorns her with fine linens and gold and she USES that which He gave her, to betray him and whore herself out to others.  And God's heart is wrecked, because His Love betrays Him.  But, I love the last few verses - after God's heart has been broken, and His Bride has left him, offended and rejected him and done everything in their power to despise him - he promises Jesus and an everlasting covenant!

What an amazing display of love.  I am overwhelmed when I think of his love for me, despite my consistent attempt to drive a wedge between us.

I wonder, what would our lives look like if we honored the covenant we made to Christ on the day we first called him Lord?

What would our churches look like if we remembered to live lives of devotion to our Husband?

Obedience leads to success...

Have you ever had a moment where God opens your eyes, and suddenly things come into focus and life makes a little more sense?

I had one of those last night, and I have to say - I was very grateful for it.  See, we were recently given the opportunity to be obedient as God asked us to step out of our comfortable place of worship (South Bay Church, awesome church check it out if you live in Riverview) and begin to journey with new friends and family at First Baptist Church of Tampa (great church as well, right across from the University of Tampa).

This may or may not surprise those who read this, but a "traditional" church would not be Katie or my first choice. So, when God began to call us to obedience it was tough.  We separated ourselves from our family at South Bay quickly and quietly, not out of hurt feelings, anger, or resentment, but out of necessity for our transition.

It has been 4 months now since we left - and last night, God granted me a little bit of clarity.  Sometimes, in life, ministry is hard and a struggle and every inch you take back for Jesus feels like a mile.  Maybe some of you can identify?  Other times, I believe, God opens up the flood gates, and you feel like all you do is show up - and the earth moves and lives are changed.

South Bay, was definitely the former.  While serving in different capacities for over 2 years, it honestly felt like everything Katie or I did was 1 step forward, 2 steps back.  We really felt like God limited our ability to lead and do ministry there, and we never really understood why.  But, as I reflect over where I was when we began life at South Bay and where I am now, I can honestly say I am not the same man.  The relationships I formed, and the amount of transformation that took place is indescribable.  I joined South Bay a boy, scared of the Holy Spirit, afraid of seeing His Gifts manifest in people, awkward about worship, and timid in my pleas and petitions before God.  I can honestly say - through the people of South Bay, God has redeemed much of that in my life and walk... which is pretty awesome.

Last night, as I was taking out the trash at FBC Tampa, after our first ever Nourish Culinary Class - God spoke to me, and said "welcome to the flood gates"!!!! It is so funny, that after 2 years of battling and learning and growing, and LOVING almost every minute of it - God has us at a place where He is just blessing everything Katie and I touch.

And, I don't feel like we are doing anything different.  Which means, it is not my brilliant ideas, performance or ability - it is simply the Holy Spirit doing His Work, and our obedience to the voice of God.  I am truly BOASTING IN THE LORD AND THE STRENGTH OF HIS MIGHT!!!!!!!

So, my challenge to you would be this - where is God asking you to be obedient? Where is he asking you to step out in faith and possibly enter into the floodgates of blessing? Because at the end of the day, it is not about you, me or the "church" we attend, it is about bringing glory to Jesus and seeing where He is moving and following Him!

Object of Love

I just wanted to take a quick minute to throw down some thoughts on here - hopefully to help me process.

This week, is passion week - the week that we as Christians celebrate the last days of the life of our Savior. Sunday, millions will gather to praise the God who left us with an empty tomb.

As I began this week, I thought it would be fun to read the last week of Jesus' life from one gospel account each day. So Monday I read Matthew's; Tuesday - Mark; Wednesday - Luke; and today I will read John.

As I have read through the last week of Jesus' life, a few things have impacted me that I wanted to share. First, his last week was filled with trials. And I don't just mean him standing before the high priest and Pilate. It's amazing as you read from the triumphal entry to the resurrection, Jesus' last week is extremely difficult. You would think he would go on vacation, get away to mentally prepare himself for the tough task ahead, or coast for a couple of days.

But that is not what He does. He is in the temple each day, teaching and confusing everyone. Loving on people, getting the Passover ready, essentially taking care of business! And He is about to conquer sin, death and set us free!

Also, it has been hugely beneficial for me to see how restrained Jesus was.

Imagine, just for a minute having the power to create the world, and the very creation YOU MADE defying you, spitting in your face, whipping your back and ACTING like they have the power over you!

Imagine the legions of angels standing by - simply waiting for a nod from their commander to rescue him and slay the pesky humans who were destroying the love of their life...

Imagine the restraint Jesus showed to avoid revealing himself in true splendor, power and might...

Imagine the struggle it would have been to allow the sin to descend upon Jesus - the only one undeserving of that punishment and weight. What an unfamiliar feeling, to feel the burden of sin...

Imagine the unbelievable anguish of feeling that separation from God. I think that was probably the worst. We don't get it, because we were born in a fallen world, with a nature inclined to sin - so we don't grasp the absolute perfect relational intimacy that we have waiting for us in heaven. Jesus had that, He knew it well. And in that moment, Jesus became sin - and felt the weight of loneliness and separation from the Father.

Imagine feeling a love so great that you were willing to go through everything mentioned above...

Imagine being the object of that love...

We truly are the beloved!

Acts 11

It's interesting how we hear God sometimes, isn't it? Many people can experience God in different ways, and while this isn't necessarily a popular seminary position, I believe that God speaks to each of us in unique and powerful ways. If he created us all different, and gave us different gifts, abilities and learning styles; wouldn't it make sense that He would choose to connect with us in different ways as well?

God is in the process of expanding my horizon, and it has never been more fun for me to be a believer. I look around, and my heart is broken for the condition of our world, for the condition of the Bride, for the condition of the earth - but I am having a BLAST learning and hearing from God.

This morning, I was spending some time in the book of Acts and I have been reading through Acts looking at the missional aspect of the Church. In Acts 11, Peter comes before the religious leadership of the church in Jerusalem to defend his ministry to the Gentiles and after retelling the story, the Jewish leadership rejoices that God has a heart for the Gentiles. It's like a whole new concept of who God is and a whole new understanding of how He loves people - has just been revealed to the early church! So awesome...

But, what really hit me right between the eyes, was Acts 11:27 which says "Now in these days prophets came down from Jerusalem to Antioch."

Did you see?

The men who had been the voice of God and brought insight to the Word of God - chose to leave Jerusalem for what God was doing in Antioch! You see, the verses preceding this one show how a handful of men from Cyprus and Cyrene share the gospel in Antioch, not just with the Jews but with the Greeks as well. God is DESTROYING the racial, ethnic and religious barriers in His quest for the human heart! I love that!

It is in Antioch that the believers are first called Christians, Paul and Barnabas begin their ministry together in Antioch and spend a year planting a church and building up the brothers in Antioch! I can only imagine the kind of stuff that was going on in this city. It must have been pretty awesome, for prophets to decide they didn't want to be in Jerusalem (you know, the place Jesus spent most of his ministry, died, rose and talked about coming back to build a new one) for Antioch!

What I believe was going on, was a hunger for God. The people (even the prophets) realized that there was an outpouring of the Spirit of God and that He was moving and shaking things up in Antioch and that the Church was on fire there and so rather than stay where they had always been, and do what they had always done - they pursued God!

How true does that need to be for me? How often do I decide that this is how God looks, moves and acts - and therefore I will go no further. How saw would it have been if the prophets had not followed where God was moving. Agabus may not have heard the word from God about the famine, the church would not have mobilized and prepared for the famine - and things could have gotten real ugly.

What happens when we decide we are going to follow God, even if it leads us away from the familiar?