Fun times...

It has been awhile since I have blogged, and for that I feel kinda bad.  It's not that I didn't want to, but finding the time to share all thad God has been walking us through can be kinda difficult.  So here is my attempt to briefly describe where I have been at with God...

It has been a rollercoaster ride lately.  One of those coasters that seem to shoot straight up to the clouds, and then you make a 180 degree turn and plummet down to the ground only to shoot straight back up again.

Last week, we took a trip to N'Awlins, LA - which was awesome.  We got to see a good friend of ours, visit our old stomping grounds and the school I used to go to, and eat a lot of amazing food while listening to some of the best music ever.  It was great - but leading up to and then on the tail end of the trip, we have been under some of the fiercest spiritual battle I have ever faced.

1 - Due to a mistake on a ticket I received for not having current registration, I was suppose to have an "arraingment hearing" on the 27th of April for a FATALITY mistakenly marked on the ticket.
2 - That never really happens so there is no precedent, which means finding the right person to talk to is almost impossible.
3 - The hotel we were suppose to stay in which NEVER fills up, due to our procrastination because of the ticket problem, FILLED UP!
4 - Our friend fell and hurt her ankle and heel really bad, right before we spent a week walking all over the city
5 - On Tuesday of our vacation my son fell down some stairs, landed on his head and had a lump the size of a golfball most the week
6 - When we got home, our AC had broke so our house was 92 degrees!
7 - Stayed with my parents for 2 nights and 3 days (blessing), unable to sleep well because of staying on air mattress
8 - Some spiritual attack occurred on Sunday (as it always does) but that will remain vague...
9 - Quote from AC company number 1 - 2400 dollars (here's where you put the heart attack at)
10 - Decide to wait - and I drive all the way to Tampa yelling and wrestling with God and my flesh about the money!
11 - God puts me in my place, fills me with His Spirit and makes me okay with spending that much money to fix an AC unit on a house we have a contract on and aren't going to be living in much longer.
12 - What happens? I get a call from another company, that promises to save me a lot of money and that I am being ripped off by company number one.
13 - One more night in mom and dads house.
14 - AC guys from Accu-Temp come out and FIX our unit for $350!
15 - Last night, we were able to sleep in our own bed, in our own house, and woke up late this morning!

So, I know towards the end it got less into the attack and more into the provision from God - but it has really been a cool last couple of days!  The battle can be so fierce that I at times, was just a wreck.  Monday, I was driving to help out with a ministry called Amazing Love in Ybor.  They feed the homeless, and have a worship service for them.  I want you to catch this perspective for a second...I am driving, in my air conditioned car, to feed people who sleep on the streets and are not sure where their next meal, shower, or bed is going to be - and I am fighting with God about how "bad" my situation is! And how unfair he is being!

Yeah, here is where conviction goes.

In the car, I actually told God that I was going to praise Him in my circumstances, but my heart was praising to make God feel like a jerk for being mean to me!  I don't know if I can communicate this accurately, but I felt like if I told God how awesome He was, while He was being a jerk to me, He would realize how big of a jerk He was being. (I realize my theology was terrible, but it was what I was feeling)

Then, a funny thing started to happen - as I praised, God softened my heart, and the praise become real, instead of manipulative and guilt.  He opened my eyes to all the ways He had provided for us, and showed me that He had blessed us with the money to pay for the repairs, given us a cool place to sleep every night, and that if He chose to use His money to fix our AC, so be it - why should I complain and argue with Him.

So, I repented and that night - after God made me willing and joyful about paying $2400 to fix our AC, I got a call telling me that it could be fixed for $350!

And so, here I sit - excited about the future, full of love for my Daddy, and hopefully a little wiser and more trusting of Him.

Poor Pastor...

1 Corinthians 4:9-13 "For I think that God has exhibited us apostles as last of all, like men sentenced to death, because we have become a spectacle to the world, to angels, and to men.  We are fools for Christ's sake, but you are wise in Christ. We are weak, but you are strong. You are held in honor, but we in disrepute. To the present hour we hunger and thirst, we are poorly dressed and buffeted and homeless, and we labor, working with our own hands. When reviled, we bless; when persecuted, we endure; when slandered, we entreat. WE have become, and are still, like the scum of the world, the refuse of all things."

1 Corinthians 4:16 - "I urge you, then, be imitators of me."

As I read this passage this morning, a new perspective hit me that I had never really seen before, or maybe I have never taken the time to slow down and actually pay attention to the words I am reading...

But, look at the first chunk of verses again...doesn't sound like what we would want as a spiritual leader, does it?  Someone who is the SCUM of the world? The REFUSE of all things? Not my idea of a leader I would be quick to follow.  I like the idea of being an imitator of the Paul who stands before the men in Athens and points them to their false, unknown God and makes it about Jesus. Or the Paul that demands an apology from the magistrates in Philippi, because they punished a Roman citizen unfairly...

But, he refers to himself as a homeless, starving, beaten and ridiculed piece of trash.

I have heard the phrase "Be imitators of me" preached before about Paul, and what a great man of God he was, and how above reproach he was to ask people to be like him... and I have often thought that, to say that - took a level of confidence and a pair of stones, that I guess I just don't have.

And, when I read the phrase in context, it makes sense. Paul is saying, look at me, I am nothing.  Jesus is everything.  The world considers me garbage and I can do, and will do nothing without Jesus.  Life is hard, and not gonna get any easier.  But, I am plugging along, worshiping Jesus.  Be like me.  Put up with the hatred, the beatings, the disrespect, poverty, and hunger - for Jesus.

Kinda put things in a new light for me this morning.  Paul isn't saying, I am so great be like me.  He is saying, life is hard as a Christian, you are gonna get treated poorly, and if I am able to endure, so can you.

What if as pastors, we adopted that message? What if pastors and leaders looked like that today? Instead of building hangars for their planes, or adding another suit to their wardrobe - they got up in plain clothes, with calloused hands from their regular job (not a 6 figure salary from a church) and shared their trials, struggles and persecutions.  And then pointed to Jesus.

That would be pretty awesome!

Acts 13....

"And the disciples were filled with joy and with the Holy Spirit" (Acts 13:52)

I want to paint for you a picture this morning.  Imagine you are Peter or Barnabas at Antioch in Pisidia (Acts 13).  You head off to temple, sit and listen to the reading from the Torah and towards the end of the reading, the religious leaders turn to you and ask you to share a word of encouragement.

What would your word be?

Peter, filled with the Spirit of God, stood up - and walked those gathered through the Old Testament and spoon fed them the gospel of Jesus Christ.  He took something very personal, familiar and that they could identify with and tied it into the Gospel.   And while many books and classes have been taught on doing just that, this is not what struck me today.

The people are so moved by their encounter with the Truth and so impressed by what the Spirit reveals through Paul that they invited him back another Sunday.  This time, almost the whole city shows up.  Imagine, the place is packed, everyone is whispering and sharing stories about what they heard last week.  People are anxious to hear what this guy, Paul has to say that has everyone so excited.  The religious leaders and devout Jews show up, see the crowds - and these men of God, who are suppose to teach, train and exhibit the Word of God, allow jealousy to creep into their spirit and begin to stir dissension against Paul and Barnabas. They get the devout men and women in their corner, and they begin to contradict what Paul had taught the week prior.  Even though, Paul began in the Old Testament, and tied it into Jesus - there is no limit to which false teachers will go to lead people astray.  But this is not what hit me.

Hearing the people being led astray and probably seeing the crowd quickly turn on them, Paul and Barnabas get up and speak out in boldness and declare that the Jews received the Gospel first, but have decided that they themselves are not worthy of eternal life, and so now the Gospel goes out to the Gentiles... there are about 10 sermons that could be preached, but still not what hit me.

The Gentiles in hearing that they can have a relationship with God, and that He loves them - rejoice and worship God - still not where I am going

This sends the religious leadership into a frenzy and they immediately begin to persecute Paul and Barnabas and DRIVE THEM OUT OF TOWN! Paul and Barnabas head out, dusting the dirt off their sandals as they go, not wasting time with the religious leaders, but moving forward to take the message of Jesus to wherever God leads them next... but still not what hit me.

"And the disciples were filled with joy and with the Holy Spirit." 

There we are - this verse, that I have so often skimmed over, was powerful today.  Think about the roller coaster ride that Paul and Barnabas and those who came to faith in Jesus in Antioch had been on.  Yay for Jesus - let's hear more, No to Jesus - false teaching, YAY for Jesus - it's not just for Jews, No to Jesus - persecution and run out of town.

I don't know about you, but my head would be spinning and I would wonder what the heck God was doing.  But what is their response - filled with Joy and Holy Spirit.

They grasped something I think all believers need to grab ahold of - our filling of the Spirit and joy should not, cannot, MUST NOT be conditional.  Whether we are facing revival, or revulsion - we can be filled with joy and the Spirit.  What hope we have, that we can serve God, be filled with His Spirit and have the fruit of His Spirit evident in our life, regardless of our circumstances.

I think about how often this is untrue in my life, and that leads me to repentance.  How often I have joy after a successful preaching engagement or ministry event or divinely appointed conversation.  And how quickly all of that can go out the window when something goes awry. 

Oh, to be free from the conditional emotional response and simply live a life tied to the Spirt of God, filled with His love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness, and self control...

Requires me to die to myself, live in Christ.

Difficult - maybe. 

Attainable - gotta believe it is!

Marriage...

Sometimes I talk to people, and they talk about things that are revealed to them in a dream, and to be honest, I spent so many years as a negative, bitter skeptic that this is still usually my first reaction - but most of the time, I just end up jealous because I don't really ever dream. About anything. When I sleep - it is mostly dark, blank, amazing nothingness until the next morning.

But, about a week ago, I had a dream that has stuck with me and it hit me again this morning as I was talking with God.  In my dream, I was at a funeral and some new friends and old friends had gathered together to celebrate the life of someone, who it was I do not know.  But at this funeral, an old acquaintance was there, a friend from days long since past, a female.  For whatever the reason would have been, I was at the funeral alone and after it was over and we were all walking our separate ways I decided to walk this woman to her car.  We were reminiscing and enjoying talking when I decided to ask her out for coffee.  In my dream, I had a check in my spirit, because this would violate the very boundary that I established at the foundation of my relationship with Katie.  And, in my heart, I heard the lie whispered.

"It's innocent, she doesn't need to be bothered, and its simply coffee.  It means nothing"

And yet, it meant everything.

It was at that point that I woke up from my dream, disturbed at "dream Nate" and his willingness to comprise it all - for NOTHING!

I remember telling my wife about the dream, and her just kind of listening and I think thinking I was crazy to be bothered, but later that day as I was hanging out with God, and He and I were going over this dream, he whispered something in my ear:

"Aren't we in a covenant relationship that is deeper than your marriage? How many times have you traded in our relationship for NOTHING?"

What I had thought was a picture of my earthly relationship with my lovely, beautiful and amazing wife, was really a sad and staggeringly accurate depiction of my marriage to Christ.  I have been SO guilty of believing the lie that sin is harmless, or that forgiveness is already ensured, or that God won't know, and it's not a BIG deal, or my intentions are good... that I have been an adulterer.

I have cheated on Christ, many times over.  And the thing that wrecks my heart, is I know that as long as I am in this flesh, and struggle and war in this life, I will continue to commit adultery.

A passage that has stuck with me a long time now, is Ezekiel 16.  In this chapter, God is so madly, deeply in love with His Bride (us) and He pours out on her every blessing, adorns her with fine linens and gold and she USES that which He gave her, to betray him and whore herself out to others.  And God's heart is wrecked, because His Love betrays Him.  But, I love the last few verses - after God's heart has been broken, and His Bride has left him, offended and rejected him and done everything in their power to despise him - he promises Jesus and an everlasting covenant!

What an amazing display of love.  I am overwhelmed when I think of his love for me, despite my consistent attempt to drive a wedge between us.

I wonder, what would our lives look like if we honored the covenant we made to Christ on the day we first called him Lord?

What would our churches look like if we remembered to live lives of devotion to our Husband?

Obedience leads to success...

Have you ever had a moment where God opens your eyes, and suddenly things come into focus and life makes a little more sense?

I had one of those last night, and I have to say - I was very grateful for it.  See, we were recently given the opportunity to be obedient as God asked us to step out of our comfortable place of worship (South Bay Church, awesome church check it out if you live in Riverview) and begin to journey with new friends and family at First Baptist Church of Tampa (great church as well, right across from the University of Tampa).

This may or may not surprise those who read this, but a "traditional" church would not be Katie or my first choice. So, when God began to call us to obedience it was tough.  We separated ourselves from our family at South Bay quickly and quietly, not out of hurt feelings, anger, or resentment, but out of necessity for our transition.

It has been 4 months now since we left - and last night, God granted me a little bit of clarity.  Sometimes, in life, ministry is hard and a struggle and every inch you take back for Jesus feels like a mile.  Maybe some of you can identify?  Other times, I believe, God opens up the flood gates, and you feel like all you do is show up - and the earth moves and lives are changed.

South Bay, was definitely the former.  While serving in different capacities for over 2 years, it honestly felt like everything Katie or I did was 1 step forward, 2 steps back.  We really felt like God limited our ability to lead and do ministry there, and we never really understood why.  But, as I reflect over where I was when we began life at South Bay and where I am now, I can honestly say I am not the same man.  The relationships I formed, and the amount of transformation that took place is indescribable.  I joined South Bay a boy, scared of the Holy Spirit, afraid of seeing His Gifts manifest in people, awkward about worship, and timid in my pleas and petitions before God.  I can honestly say - through the people of South Bay, God has redeemed much of that in my life and walk... which is pretty awesome.

Last night, as I was taking out the trash at FBC Tampa, after our first ever Nourish Culinary Class - God spoke to me, and said "welcome to the flood gates"!!!! It is so funny, that after 2 years of battling and learning and growing, and LOVING almost every minute of it - God has us at a place where He is just blessing everything Katie and I touch.

And, I don't feel like we are doing anything different.  Which means, it is not my brilliant ideas, performance or ability - it is simply the Holy Spirit doing His Work, and our obedience to the voice of God.  I am truly BOASTING IN THE LORD AND THE STRENGTH OF HIS MIGHT!!!!!!!

So, my challenge to you would be this - where is God asking you to be obedient? Where is he asking you to step out in faith and possibly enter into the floodgates of blessing? Because at the end of the day, it is not about you, me or the "church" we attend, it is about bringing glory to Jesus and seeing where He is moving and following Him!

Object of Love

I just wanted to take a quick minute to throw down some thoughts on here - hopefully to help me process.

This week, is passion week - the week that we as Christians celebrate the last days of the life of our Savior. Sunday, millions will gather to praise the God who left us with an empty tomb.

As I began this week, I thought it would be fun to read the last week of Jesus' life from one gospel account each day. So Monday I read Matthew's; Tuesday - Mark; Wednesday - Luke; and today I will read John.

As I have read through the last week of Jesus' life, a few things have impacted me that I wanted to share. First, his last week was filled with trials. And I don't just mean him standing before the high priest and Pilate. It's amazing as you read from the triumphal entry to the resurrection, Jesus' last week is extremely difficult. You would think he would go on vacation, get away to mentally prepare himself for the tough task ahead, or coast for a couple of days.

But that is not what He does. He is in the temple each day, teaching and confusing everyone. Loving on people, getting the Passover ready, essentially taking care of business! And He is about to conquer sin, death and set us free!

Also, it has been hugely beneficial for me to see how restrained Jesus was.

Imagine, just for a minute having the power to create the world, and the very creation YOU MADE defying you, spitting in your face, whipping your back and ACTING like they have the power over you!

Imagine the legions of angels standing by - simply waiting for a nod from their commander to rescue him and slay the pesky humans who were destroying the love of their life...

Imagine the restraint Jesus showed to avoid revealing himself in true splendor, power and might...

Imagine the struggle it would have been to allow the sin to descend upon Jesus - the only one undeserving of that punishment and weight. What an unfamiliar feeling, to feel the burden of sin...

Imagine the unbelievable anguish of feeling that separation from God. I think that was probably the worst. We don't get it, because we were born in a fallen world, with a nature inclined to sin - so we don't grasp the absolute perfect relational intimacy that we have waiting for us in heaven. Jesus had that, He knew it well. And in that moment, Jesus became sin - and felt the weight of loneliness and separation from the Father.

Imagine feeling a love so great that you were willing to go through everything mentioned above...

Imagine being the object of that love...

We truly are the beloved!

Acts 11

It's interesting how we hear God sometimes, isn't it? Many people can experience God in different ways, and while this isn't necessarily a popular seminary position, I believe that God speaks to each of us in unique and powerful ways. If he created us all different, and gave us different gifts, abilities and learning styles; wouldn't it make sense that He would choose to connect with us in different ways as well?

God is in the process of expanding my horizon, and it has never been more fun for me to be a believer. I look around, and my heart is broken for the condition of our world, for the condition of the Bride, for the condition of the earth - but I am having a BLAST learning and hearing from God.

This morning, I was spending some time in the book of Acts and I have been reading through Acts looking at the missional aspect of the Church. In Acts 11, Peter comes before the religious leadership of the church in Jerusalem to defend his ministry to the Gentiles and after retelling the story, the Jewish leadership rejoices that God has a heart for the Gentiles. It's like a whole new concept of who God is and a whole new understanding of how He loves people - has just been revealed to the early church! So awesome...

But, what really hit me right between the eyes, was Acts 11:27 which says "Now in these days prophets came down from Jerusalem to Antioch."

Did you see?

The men who had been the voice of God and brought insight to the Word of God - chose to leave Jerusalem for what God was doing in Antioch! You see, the verses preceding this one show how a handful of men from Cyprus and Cyrene share the gospel in Antioch, not just with the Jews but with the Greeks as well. God is DESTROYING the racial, ethnic and religious barriers in His quest for the human heart! I love that!

It is in Antioch that the believers are first called Christians, Paul and Barnabas begin their ministry together in Antioch and spend a year planting a church and building up the brothers in Antioch! I can only imagine the kind of stuff that was going on in this city. It must have been pretty awesome, for prophets to decide they didn't want to be in Jerusalem (you know, the place Jesus spent most of his ministry, died, rose and talked about coming back to build a new one) for Antioch!

What I believe was going on, was a hunger for God. The people (even the prophets) realized that there was an outpouring of the Spirit of God and that He was moving and shaking things up in Antioch and that the Church was on fire there and so rather than stay where they had always been, and do what they had always done - they pursued God!

How true does that need to be for me? How often do I decide that this is how God looks, moves and acts - and therefore I will go no further. How saw would it have been if the prophets had not followed where God was moving. Agabus may not have heard the word from God about the famine, the church would not have mobilized and prepared for the famine - and things could have gotten real ugly.

What happens when we decide we are going to follow God, even if it leads us away from the familiar?

Embracing the Spirit...

Do you ever think about yourself and wonder how you ended up like you did? I mean, seriously do some introspection and marvel at who you are? I know for me - lately, I have been really looking at my heart, and I am blown away at the dichotomy of my soul. On one hand - I am so madly in love with Jesus and so desperate to see people fall in love with Him and experience His Spirit, it physically hurts. But, on the other hand - I am completely wicked and so easily distracted and selfish that I find my heart to be offensive and contemptuous.

So, this of course, causes me to pray and read. Earlier this week, God challenged me to read through Acts (one of my fav's) looking for the missional aspect of the leaders of the early church. Basically, what that means is I am reading through the lens of church planting, wanting to know what the apostles did as the Holy Spirit birthed the Bride through them.

This, is of course, rocking my face right off! And while, I could blog about this for a long, long, long time; I will try not to.

Here is what I heard this morning:

Acts 8 - Stephen has just preached like, the mac-daddy gospel to the Sanhedrin and been stoned for it. The church now, officially, is under persecution and we have the first martyr of the Christian Church.

We pick it up in 8:4 - a verse I have skimmed over several times, punched me right in the mouth today. " Now those who were scattered went about preaching the word."

Slow down and read that again.

Let it marinate.

Understand the gravity of that statement (and the next 4 verses after). The Church is officially being persecuted. Saul, in verse 3, is "ravaging" the church from house to house! And as people are fleeing for their lives what are they doing?

Preaching the Word.

Sharing the Gospel.

Does conviction creep into your soul at all as you read this? Because it should. Here, we have an example of what it means to believe in Jesus and live for Him. They are fleeing for their lives, and they CAN'T stop PREACHING! Or, maybe I should say, THEY WON'T STOP PREACHING! Jesus is absolutely paramount in their lives, even over their own safety and well-being.

Can the same be said for me? Honestly, NO.

I want Him to be, but He's not. My flesh gets in the way and I allow a muzzle to be placed over my mouth. I shy away from opportunities, or perhaps worse, I don't find ways to preach in common everyday situations.

Which leads me, sort of, to my next thought. Is there a difference from the early church to today's? Has the Spirit of God stopped working in some ways? All my schooling and upbringing has taught me that he hasn't stopped working, but all the services I have ever been at, prayer meetings I have been a part of, and classes I have ever attended give example to the contrary.

I am wakening to something. A desire deeply seeded in my soul for the movement of the Spirit of God in my life. I am shrugging of the complacency of comfort and embracing a desire for the power of God to be made evident in my life.

In Acts 4:31, the believers come together to pray and ask God to make them bold, and something happens. The PLACE they are in, is so full of the Spirit of God, that the room SHAKES! Why does this not happen today?

Is God less capable? Is He unwilling to do this? Has His desire to make Himself known through signs and wonders ceased? Some would say yes.

I, venture, no. I choose to believe that God still does move and act in this way. Does it make me uncomfortable - who cares.

I want the power of God to be made manifest in my life, so that as many people can fall in love and experience the wondrous love of Jesus in their life.

But, to go back to my first thought, that means Jesus needs to be the MOST IMPORTANT THING IN MY LIFE!

More important than family. More important than careers. More important than money. More important than fame. More important than ME.

I believe this is possible.

And I am gonna try to die to self, in pursuit of the heart and power of God!

Lord, let it be so...

Mountain top experience....

So - it was pretty cool this morning, I was spending some time praying and God kept bring a passage to my mind.

The story of Abraham and Isaac, when God asks Abraham to take him up to a mountain that He would reveal to him, and sacrifice Isaac there.

As I was praying through the Word and asking God to open my eyes and let me see His heart and His purpose for me in this passage - a revelation came to me...

God no doubt takes people through valleys and then asks them to climbs mountains for Him. He asks Moses to do it. He has Jesus do it a couple of times.

And here, He asks Abraham to climb to the top of mountain. It is not to be given the Law, or to be tempted, or to be transfigured - it is to better understand the Father's heart.

I love as I read this story that at one point, Isaac asks his dad about the sacrifice - and Abraham's response is very deep "God himself will provide a lamb for the burnt offering" (nate paraphrase)

We can see so much in that simple statement. It is God who provides the lamb that frees Isaac. Abraham trusts that God is going to allow his son to live. Abraham's faith is unwavering. Abraham is foreshadowing Jesus. Abraham is placing the burden of sacrifice on God - not himself.

As I spent some time in this passage - I began to realize, that in my quest to be on the top of a mountain with God - so I can speak with Him and experience as much of Him as possible, it will require everything I have. Abraham was willing to lay down the life of his only son... what about me?

Now, God will not ask me to sacrifice my son as an offering, because Jesus was/is the perfect Lamb and my sin is paid for - but can I abandon all, like Abraham, for the cause of Christ?

It never really occurred to me prior to this morning, but to get to the top of the mountain, you will need to be willing to lay everything down and have faith that the God of the universe, our Father, will be there for us.

Abraham's faith should encourage and challenge each one of us to press into the heart of God, trust that He will provide, and know that no matter how heart-breaking it may be, God's way will ultimately lead to a life-changing experience with Him!

Isn't that what we want? To be changed by God?

Pirating God....

I know that most of the time - I use this blog to help process through what God is teaching me. And today will, of course, be no different.

I have been involved in a struggle now for a little while. And while I know that my struggle is tame and probably severely trivial compared to the rest of humanity's struggles, it has been a problem for about 2 weeks now. Allow me to share with you, my problem: I WANT TO DOWNLOAD/STEAL MUSIC. You see, I use to believe that because it was called "file-sharing" it was not stealing. Even though I downloaded all of these really great albums and music at no cost to myself. I justified it in my own mind.

Well, leave it up to God to go ahead and mess up my routine! A couple of weeks ago, I was praying and asking God to reveal areas in my life where I was not meeting His Standards - and of course, He went ahead and jacked up my whole secret (and unknown even to me) life of thievery.

So, I have been obedient - and abandoned my life of crime - but it has not been easy. Let me just say, I am absolutely SICK of the music I use to run with every day. I hear the same songs, and am very bored with the same beat - and ready for some new tunes. So, I went to actually PAY for music, and I found out that music is expensive. If I am going to pay $1.29 a song - I need to REALLY REALLY like it! (I am a pretty cheap dude) So I am continuing to run to the same old stuff. Why? Because the music is important enough for me to try and steal, but not worth my time and money. I am willing to take it for free, but when it costs me something, I don't want it that bad!

As I was running this morning, God and I were having a "discussion". I was trying to convince Him that I was just in stealing music - and that He needed to let me do it. I was trying to "talk Him into" allowing me to go back to my life of crime! Of course, He wouldn't have it, and as I ran and pleaded - He opened my eyes...

How often, have I been guilty of using God. How much of my life have I told God that you are important enough for me to use, and take what I can get - as long as its for free! But the minute that He begins to require and ask things of me, and it starts to COST ME something - I abandon Him for my flesh? This was a sobering realization.

I have been SO guilty of pirating God, and haven't spent nearly enough time counting the cost - and willingly paying it! He is so worthy everything I have, and what if I truly invested into my walk, my relationship, my calling? What if - instead of just stealing from God; I bought into His way, His plan, His process, His purpose? I think I would find the fruit of the Spirit very evident in my life. I believe that the flesh would weaken as His Spirit in me grows and takes control. I think that the envy, bitterness, fear and pride would fade away - as love, boldness, generosity and humility took over.

So - this morning, my question is: are you pirating God? Or have you realized the value, and bought into who God is? Truly.

Running....

It's kinda funny - last night I was running around a new circle in a friends neighborhood, it's a four mile loop that is frequented by joggers, dog-walkers, and bikers; so it stays pretty busy.

Something occurred to me as I ran through pain and stomach aches (I ate pasta right before I ran, bad combo).

Every runner I past - we gave each other a little nod, or hand wave or something to acknowledge each other, as if to say "Hey, we are in this together, we both hate our bodies and love torturing ourselves in this primitive way" Kinda funny, but as I began to think through this it occurred to me: shouldn't we be able to recognize those walking with God and pursuing a life like Jesus - and at the very least wave to them.

I mean, when I am running and see another runner - I don't question if that person is running, I see them running and so I know they run. Shouldn't my life with God be that transparent for all to see? I don't think that it was difficult in the life of the early church believers to distinguish who is and isn't a believer. The believers were radically different from the world. They gave away their stuff, they gave food to everyone who needed it, they sold land to give to the church, they wouldn't shut up about Jesus, and the love that they showed was infectious.

Where has that gone?

So many times in my life I have asked or wondered - is that person a Christian? What a shame that we don't know simply by the way we live and move in our lives.

I am not thinking through this and writing any of this saying it is our job to judge a persons walk with God - but I think, as a person truly walks with God, the question would become irrelevant as the Holy Spirit works and molds and changes the life of the believer.

Just like I never questioned whether or not someone was running last night, I just knew.

What if we allowed the Holy Spirit to make us so on fire, so radically conservative - where we lived for the Truth of the Gospel of Jesus - and nothing else mattered. It's kinda what I see in the New Testament. It's kinda what I think Paul spends 13 books trying to convey.

What if we were able to tell who was fighting this war against the enemy, just by how the walked/ran through life?

What if we saw a world of people sprinting for Jesus - not themselves?

Mountain top experience

As I began my morning this morning - I had a real need for coffee. My smoke alarms "tested" themselves at 2:45 in the morning and I have been up pretty much since, so I was in need of some coffee to get my brain going. Once I got some java juice in me - I sat down and began to pray and talk with God, and as I was hanging out with Him, He began to bring some cool things to mind.

I began to think about Moses, and His time on the mountain with God. And as I went back and reread it, how amazing must it have been for Moses to spend so much time in the presence of God, that His face shone from being in the presence of the glory of God. I wonder - did Moses even want to go back down to the people of Israel? Especially the second time, after he had already seen how quickly their hearts were deterred from the things of God.

Then, my brain jumped New Testament, and I spent some time reflecting on the Mount of Transfiguration - and I read all the accounts we have for this experience with God - and I noticed something: God called them up to the mountain to reveal the glory of Jesus and the plans to come.

Peter - so in awe of what is happening, and so quick to speak without thinking through it - starts drawing up blueprints to remain on the mountain with Jesus, Moses and Elijah forever. He doesn't want to go back to regular life - He has seen Jesus for who He truly is, and wants to stay there.

Have I?

This was a sobering question God asked of me this morning. As I read Moses experience with God on the mountain, and then read the Gospel account of the disciples and their mountain top experience with God - I realized something about myself. I want a mountain top experience, but I settle for living somewhere halfway up the mountain. I look at the mountain - and think how beautiful it must be at the top, and I see people who are journeying up there, and I critique and comment on the path they take, but I remain safely on my ledge where I am comfortable.

But, the problem with this is - I am nowhere. God doesn't want me to spend my life living on a ledge somewhere in the middle - he wants me to come up to the mountain, get refreshed, get filled with His Spirit, and than travel back down into the valley and shine for Him. That's what Moses did - and thats what the disciples do throughout the New Testament. After I read these stories, I felt like I was suppose to read 1 Peter, to see how Peter owned being in the presence of God - and the boldness which he speaks, and the conviction he has to not just suffer for Jesus - but suffer for Jesus that will bring about glory and honor and praise in eternity.

Peter got the full picture. He saw Jesus suffer - but prior to that, Jesus had revealed all that He was and is forever - and so Peter knows that coming down the mountain, and living life in the valley is difficult, he sees the way they mistreat and abuse Jesus and expects nothing less for Christians, but he knows that a day is coming, when those bruised egos, and mocked morality will result in honor and crowns from the Creator. He knows that there is glory to come, that is well worth the suffering.

And in the meantime, we can always decide to step off our ledge and climb up, into the thick of darkness where God is - and speak with him, until our faces shine, our spirits are filled with His Spirit - and we are able to descend, different and empowered for Him.

But the question is: Am I willing to leave my comfy ledge, for God?

I hope so...

talkative...

So, this morning I woke up early and went for a run - and I gotta be honest; I love the weather just like it is. It's not too cold in the morning and it stays beautiful all day long - awesome! After I got home and got cleaned up, I went into our prayer room and normally I begin with journaling, but today - I just began speaking to God. And as I poured out my heart before him, something began to happen - he began to reveal to me how much I mean to him, and how much He means to me.

It was pretty cool as I sat there and was spending time in the heart of God, that He began to speak and He told me to read Jeremiah 2:19 - which says that it is evil and bitter to forsake the Lord your God. As I thought about that - I heard Revelation 19, which is one of my favorite chapters in the Bible, so I read that, and God opened up the flood gates.

I don't know that I realized this, but Jesus is not just coming back kicking butt - He is coming back with an ARMY, and leading the charge. HOW AWESOME IS MY SAVIOR!?! Most of the time, I think about Jesus coming back and I know He is gonna be slaying people and putting Satan in his place, but this morning, God showed me that when He comes back, there is an army behind him... but Jesus is out front! God hit me a harsh reality - most of the time, I am living my life with Jesus behind ME - not the other way around.

A game my son and I love to play is walking in shadows...basically it goes like this; he tries to walk in my shadow, and I will move to the right and left, or speed up or slow down, and he has to try and keep up, and stay in my shadow! Pretty fun, and it always gets us giggling.

What if, I played that game with God - just decided that I was gonna get so close to him that His Shadow covered over me. I didn't try to keep God in my shadow, but rather spent my life trying to stay in His? I think that sounds like a much better arrangement.

I then went and read Genesis 1-3, and realized that there is a lot that goes on in the first 3 chapters of our Bible. God creates paradise, we wreck it, and God lays out his plan to fix it again. What stuck out to me today, though, was that from the beginning, man has tried to blame our sin on others, and when we sin, our natural response is to hide from God. Adam and Eve fall - they hide from the presence of God (must have broken His heart), God asks Adam what's up - he blames Eve. God asks Eve whats up - she blames the serpent. God then curses the serpent, the woman, the man, and creation. Then - he shows them the door out of Eden (so they don't mess up and eat from the tree of life, and have to live forever separated from God) but not before he cares for them and meets a need of theirs - clothes! Our God is so real, so personal, and so tender - I love it!

Finally God had me read Romans 6 - 8 and as I was reading that one verse in particular jumped out at me - and I have decided I am gonna lock it away in my heart. Romans 8:15 says "For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have receive the Spirit of adoption as son, by whom we cry, "Abba, Father!"

Do we know who we are? Do we realize that we have been made sons of God! That we are heirs to the kingdom of God? Do I settle for slavery and fear, when my right is freedom in the Spirit as a son of God? Unfortunately I do...but I don't have to. And praise God - a day is coming, when Jesus will return, leading an army from heaven and with a sword from his mouth he will slay all who stand against him, and in that day, my flesh will forever be put to death, my will will be finally conformed to that of Christ and the little glimpse of heaven I get here, will become my eternity.

How sweet that day will be.

Love...

Well, this morning my heart is heavy!

I was on my way home from the gym and I was thinking about a conversation that my wife had with a friend of ours last night. Her and her husband are getting separated and my wife was being a rockstar and just loving her through a very tough time in her life. As they were talking, and I was cleaning up from dinner, one thing that I heard from the conversation was that this beautiful daughter of God, a beloved princess, whom the Creator adores more than anything else He has ever created...believes that because she isn't "religious" enough, God won't be there for her.

Like I said, my heart is heavy! What have we done to the Gospel of Jesus, as man has taken over and decided what is right, what is wrong and in our pursuit for knowledge and understanding; have we lost God's never-ending love. I will admit, I am quick to seek knowledge and I desire to know as much as I can about God, but I want to start with love! To know that she feels like because she doesn't conform to some man made system - that her Daddy won't be there for her; grieves me deeply.

As I was reflecting on this harsh reality, I felt a new responsibility. And its kinda funny how God is working in my life right now, because yesterday I spend most of the day praying through the Fruit of the Spirit and just asking God to cultivate the hard soil of my heart so that His Fruit would be evident, and this morning I wake up and realize that I am guilty of too often skipping past the first aspect of the Fruit of the Spirit - love.

God is love. Jesus is love. Regardless of who we are, what we do, or how much we try and push and run to get away from his love, He is love. It is not up to us to earn it. It is not up to us to keep it. It is not up to us to tell Him how to show it. He is love, and all we need to do is receive it. End of story.

Thank you Jesus, that you are love, that you are our example of love, that you loved me enough to die - while I was offensive and an enemy of your Father. Thank you that regardless of my church attendance, denomination or even tithe history - you love me with a burning passion and unending desire. Open my heart to receive that love, and than God - I pray that you would change how I love my brother's and sister's!

Let it be so...

Jesus is a DUDE!

So - it was interesting. I woke up this morning, and immediately felt the NEED to get before God and spend some time with him. So, I grabbed my journal, Bible and highlighters (which God had me place next to my bed last night - not where they normally rest) and dove in. I began journaling and God brought to my mind some things I needed to confess and repent for - which I did. I then began to intercede for everyone that would come to mind, and I had a great time of just praying for friends and family.

I began to quiet myself and listen for the voice of God - and after a few minutes of being still, I felt like I was suppose to read Mark 7. I opened up my Bible and read the chapter and something interesting jumped out at me. Normally, when I see Jesus life and ministry - I see a lot of love, and healing and miracles and caring and generosity and patience. And I believe that Jesus is the perfect example of all of those attributes...however as I read Mark 7 this morning, that wasn't what I saw in the life of Jesus.

This chapter begins with Jesus and his disciples being harassed about washing their hands before they eat. First off, how unbelievably annoying are the Pharisees? They are bugging Jesus to the point of asking him if he washes his hands - shows how far we can be willing to go to make our beliefs true! Jesus explains that it is not what we eat that makes us unclean but that which comes out of hearts - that determines our cleanliness.

Then the Syrophoencian approaches Jesus and asks him to heal her daughter - and this was the part that jumped out at me. He tells her that he needs to let the children eat first, before feeding the dogs! (Nate paraphrase) I don't know about you - but I was stunned at Jesus words to this woman. As I read this interaction - I see her coming to Jesus for help. And his response is to tell her the children need to eat first (Jews need to be taught by Jesus) before the dogs can have any food (Gentiles can receive any teachings or miracles from Jesus). Like I said - as I read this, I thought "who is this guy? What does he think he's doing talking to her like that?"

Then I read her response to Jesus' seemingly rude statement. She responds that even the dogs get scraps from under the kids table! And Jesus is pleased with this response and heals her daughter.

He then goes on to give a deaf and mute guy a wet willy, and poke him in the eye - as a means to heal him!

While there is much here to unpack, the main thing that jumped out at me, was Jesus' lack of concern for social graces, or political correctness. He was not worrying about being offensive, keeping everyone happy, or stepping on toes. He knew that he had a limited amount of time, a mission to complete, and he pursued it with his whole heart.

And people flocked to him!

The more I think about it - the more I see Jesus as a manly man, rough and rugged, who doesn't wash his hands before a meal, makes fun of tradition and religion, calls entire people groups "dogs" and gives people wet willy's and pokes them in the eye! All in love, and all with purpose to draw people to the heart of the Father, and point out there need for a Savior!

Why isn't this my inspiration for what a man is to be? And how did we end up with blonde flowing hair, white robed, hippie, fruitcake Jesus?

What would it take?

What would it take for me

to part with my son?

What would it take for me

to watch him beaten?

What would it take for me

to see his backed ripped to shreds?

What would it take for me

to allow his head to be pierced?

What would it take for me

to simply stand by?

What would it take for me

to see him falsely accused?

What would it take for me

to watch him die?

What would it take for me

to see his side pierced?

What would it take for me

to watch his body dragged down from the cross?

What would it take for me

to simply stand by?

What would it take for me

to watch my son buried?

What would it take for me

to wait the 3 days?

What would it take for me

to hold back the tears?

What would it take for me

to watch him arise?

What would it take for me

to simply stand by?

What would it take for me

to see my son reduced to a statue?

What would it take for me

to hold back my anger?

What would it take for me

to allow him to be simply a story?

What would it take for me

to be patient with those who simply slander my son?

What would it take for me

to simply stand by?

Unimaginable Grace!!!!!

AWESOME and FREAKY

Ok - so before I truly begin the meat of this post - I want to ask for some grace and openmindedness for the few people who will read this. My Lutheran and Baptist upbringing and schooling are twinging right now, but I want to be faithful to my Daddy! This morning, I was praying and asking that God would speak to me - and rather than giving me some verses, or giving me some thoughts to chew on - something strange happened - God actually spoke to me! I believe God gave me a word this morning, and I don't feel like it is private, and I really believe it is meant to encourage and excite the people of Christ into movement. So - I am going to share what God said to me this morning, just as He revealed it to me.

- Why isn't there more celebrating in Church?

My people do not understand that they are betrothed to the living God. The One True Living Water and Bridegroom - Jesus Christ. If My people knew this, they would sing, celebrate and tell all that would listen. Instead they muzzle themselves, not just because they don't understand who I AM and what I have done for them, but because they have decided their "self-esteem" is more important than worshipping and glorifying Me. They don't truly desire to follow the example of My Son. They don't want to press into My heart. They want to go back to a religious system. Why o why would you choose slavery over freedom? Why would you embrace man made tradition over Christ centered relationship? Turn from complacency, abandon your small mindedness. Forget about how and what you've always known God to be and look intently for My Spirit in motion. Then, run after it! This is not about you being comfortable. This is not about you even understanding what is next. This is about Me and My Will for My Beloved. YOU ARE MY BELOVED!

I feel the need to justify and make excuses and tell you all sorts of information that I learned at school that says that God doesn't move in this way, and back it up with Scripture, and yada yada yada... but I am not going to. My encouragement to you this morning - is to check your heart. Who are you living for? Does this word ring true for you? If so - REPENT! Draw close to the heart of God and live with reckless abandon for Him!

Turtle Power!

Well, I have been a stay at home dad (full time) again for 1 full day, and all I can say is that I missed this life! It is so nice to be able to wake up, go for a run, come home and dive into the presence of God - rather than waking up at 4 to go make sandwiches!

This morning, I was sitting in my prayer room - and asking God to speak to me. As I sat here, and was being still and waiting for the the Lord to speak, I felt a little disappointed when, for a few minutes, there was nothing but silence. Forgetting the fact that my need to have my appetite INSTANTLY met is probably wrong and misguided - I heard God say that sometimes, He is quiet, not because He doesn't care, or isn't listening, or even because there is sin in my life, but because when I have to wait upon the Lord, it increases my faith! Wow - I was blown away - and wondered how many times have I wanted something right this second, and because I was too impatient, or just lacked the discipline to be still - missed out on God and an increase in faith, because I took matters into my own hands?

I was in the middle of praising God and thanking him for taking the time to care enough about me to let me wait, to take me deeper and make me more like Jesus - when I got a picture in my head of a turtle crossing the road?!?

My immediate response was "God, what the heck was THAT"

Immediately, I felt like God brought clarity to the picture. You see, when I think about the turtle, the first thing that comes to my mind is the Teenage Mutant kind... but after that, I think about their shell. And I have always thought that it was kinda neat that God gave them a portable home, a permanent protection, and a place of security. What I never thought about though, was how scared a turtle always is! My family used to have a turtle, and he was ALWAYS ducking back into his shell and trying to hide. And it occurred to me this morning, that a lot of times, my walk with Christ is a lot like a turtle. I retreat back into my shell - and hide from the big, scary world all around me, because I don't have enough faith, and like the cozy, comfortable, manageable scenario that God has already given me.

But... every once in a while, you see a turtle in the middle of the road - crossing the street! Can you imagine what is going through that turtles mind? Mostly cuss words at being in such a dangerous situation. But, every time I have seen a turtle in the road - he's not hiding in his shell, he is booking it trying to get across the road. Now, I know that at an example breaks down, but hear me out: what if - rather than just using our "shells" to keep us cozy and comfortable and to hide from the world, we braved the open road. WE dared to go out into the scary and dangerous world and explore new territory, try new things, and BE BOLD! What if we shared our faith with someone today? What if we became purposed with our relationships? What if we loved unconditionally? What if, instead of using our shells as defensive, we put them to the test to see how well they would hold up against the battle we are in against this world?

I really believe that would be a sight to see - and can you imagine the thrill of victory when we get to the other side of the road...

White knuckled ride...

It's kinda interesting, we all have our routines and practices that we go. My routine for meeting with God is as such: start out in my journal and lay it all out before God, then I spend some time being still before God, waiting to hear his voice, than I go to the Word and if I have heard anything or been pointed in a direction - I look for God to speak and confirm it in His Word. I will usually end my time by praying a little more, or journaling through something that God revealed that would be applicable to my walk.

The other day as I was in the midst of my routine, I realized that it was very comfy and the warm air was blowing and I was wrapped in a blanket and I was just being still - the perfect condition for falling asleep. I felt myself fade away, and I didn't fight it - I simply surrendered. I couldn't of been out more than a minute when I saw a rollercoaster and I realized I was on it. The coaster was out of control - but crazily in control. The speed was intense, the loops looked dangerous and scary, and the drops and climbs were crazy! My heart began to race and fear crept in - then I heard a voice reminding me that He constructed this coaster. Reminding me that He knows every loop, drop, turn and climb that I am going to face. Reminding me that not only did He construct it, but He is the safety strap keeping me from flying off the track.

Immediately the fear was replaced with excitement and anticipation. My white knuckled grip of the bar in front of me was softened and I lifted my hands to enjoy the ride. In that moment, I knew I was not watching a rollercoaster ride, I was watching my life.

Life is scary, life is seemingly out of control, and at times, we grip ahold of our lives with white knuckles to try and gain control. When in reality, we have very little control, and the Creator and Sustainer is calling us to release our grip, and have fun and enjoy the "ride" of life that He has blessed us with. We need not fear, we need not worry, He knows every turn, drop, climb and loop that we are gonna face. With that knowledge should come great excitement and anticipation.

So, the question I will pose this morning is simple: Are you white knuckling it through life? Or have you raised your hand to enjoy the ride He's got you on? Cause either way - it's gonna be pretty epic!

Desiring God...

So once again, it has been awhile since I have blogged, but life has been kinda chaotic, what with Christmas and New Year's and everything, but life seems to maybe be settling into a bit of a routine, so I figured I should get back into the habit of blogging... so here we go!

God has my family on a journey, and I have no idea where it is leading, but I am going to share a little background info to help with perspective.

- God has called us out of the church family we have been a part of for 2 years.

- We have been attending and praying through some exciting things at First Baptist Tampa

- We are attending The Crossing on Saturday nights (to kinda get our worship fix)

- God answered our prayer for financial aide, by allowing me to work part time at my old cafe (for now)

So - we have had a lot of transition and change to usher in a new year, which is exciting for us, but that has left me pondering a lot. Recently, I was talking with God and my brain was rushing through a million possibilities and basically... I was telling God what I should be doing, and how He is supposed to move and act - when God decided to put me in my place and tell me to SHUT UP and BE STILL!

So I listened.

For the past 2 weeks, I am trying very hard to do nothing more than pursue the heart of God. I realized that for most of my life, my walk with God and life in the Body of Christ has been about what I am doing. God is showing me how much I am missing out on, by allowing that to be my focus. I am desperately praying that God would immerse me in his presence and that if I never teach, lead, encourage, pray for, or DO another thing FOR God, that I would be content to sit at his feet and worship! Even as I write this, it sounds stupidly easy and like a basic fundamental principle of our faith, but it is HARD for me to do this.

So, this morning, I was in our prayer room... face down in a pillow asking for God to speak, and He told me to turn to Acts 14, and Genesis 3. As I began to read Acts 14 - I was blown away by the character of Paul and Barnabas' ability to be used of the Lord, their humility, and their boldness for Jesus Christ.

I blogged awhile back about the process God was taking me through in giving me a new name, and I have kinda let that be on the back burner for awhile, but I felt like, as I read this morning - that one of the reason I am to remain still and quiet, is because the man that God wants me to be, is not yet who I am. When I read accounts like Paul and Barnabas and there ability to remain in the "hot zone" to preach, and then to leave and see a man who has the faith to be healed and heal him, and to be stoned to death, be raised, and continue preaching... I know that I don't have that faith, YET.

So, my prayer this morning was that God would make me a man of faith. That I would learn how to love Jesus, His People, and the presence of God so much that I am willing to endure many tribulations. I want to be bold, passionate, and discerning enough to call a lame man up to walk. I want to preach the gospel of Jesus Christ and see God heal and do signs and wonders through me. But, that comes in time. First, I need to want God more than anything else.

For me, that means wanting God, more than I want to do ministry. What does that mean for you?